Failure of Conscience
by emiri-m.y
Summary: Jace nearly loses Clary in a fight gone wrong. Will all feelings finally rise to the surface? Will the both of them learn to listen to their hearts and succumb to their darkest desires? ClaryXJace *Oneshot* Set after COA


**Disclaimer: The first two paragraphs are extracted from City of Ashes written by Cassandra Clare. All characters used in this story are also rightfully hers. I'm merely borrowing them for entertainment purposes. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_Playlist: Someday by Rob Thomas_**  
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**"I'll just be your brother from now on," he said, looking at her with a hopeful expectation that she would be pleased, which made her want to scream that he was smashing her heart into pieces and he had to stop. "That's what you wanted, isn't it?"**

**It took her a long time to answer, and when she did, her own voice sounded like an echo, coming from very far away. "Yes," she said, and she heard the rush of waves in her ears, and her eyes stung as if from sand or salt spray. "That's what I wanted."**

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Clary jolted out of her sleep with a loud gasp. _Not again. Not this again. _She had been plagued by the same dream for the past two years and it was wearing her to the edge of exhaustion. But it wasn't just a mere figment of her imagination. It really did happened. A long long time ago.

_He's your brother, Clary. Remember that, always_. She hated that tiny voice of conscience at the back of her head with every fiber of her being. Although , really, it had lost much of its strength and clarity over the past couple of years. And she wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing, really.

She loved Jace. There was no need for denials. But… they were siblings after all. Isabelle loved Alec. There was nothing wrong with it. So, why did loving Jace feel so wrong? Why did it feel as though the world would skid into a complete halt when she was around him, watching him, and listening to him talk, infuriating as it had been. Clary had very nearly asked Isabelle if the older girl could spot Alec among a sea of faces in a heavily-packed room- to prove her theory on sibling's love. The question never left her mouth because deep down in her heart, she knew that Isabelle couldn't and wouldn't have done that. And also because Jace Wayland meant more-much more to her than just a brother…So much more that she couldn't allow herself to even think about it

Sometimes, she wondered if things would have turned out differently between them if she had given in to her selfishness and told him that it wasn't what she wanted back then at Taki's two years ago. Probably not. Jace seemed resolute with his decision to be her brother. Also, Jace seemed to have gotten over her. She had heard of Jace's girlfriends. Tasha, the pretty blonde. Zara, the dark-haired girl from Mexico… There were so many, really, that she found it hard to commit their names to memory. Or probably because she didn't want to.

Pushing back the covers, she headed for her the bathroom to wash up. The sun was already tainting the horizon orange anyway; there was no point in going back to bed.

She looked at her own reflection in the mirror. At seventeen, she was still a mere five feet two as opposed to Jace's six feet two. Her eyes were green, and his, tawny. He had golden blonde hair, and she was a natural red head. How was it possible for them to _be_ siblings?

"Breakfast in five minutes," Jace's voice broke her train of thoughts and startled her so much she nearly jumped out of her skin. Amusement glimmered in the depths of his tawny eyes but it was gone before she was sure it was even there in the first place.

Breakfast or lunch or dinner was another word for a round-table discussion on their demon killing spree. Isabelle was a murder-holic and so was Jace. They'd force both of Clary and Alec to join them every night, claiming that they were helping the world get rid of parasites.

"It wouldn't kill you to knock before you enter," Clary shot him a look of unveiled annoyance while attempting to straighten out the knotted tangles in her hair.

He crossed his arms and leaned against the cream-colored wall beside her nightstand "Knock. Knock," He said sleepily.

She rolled an eye at him.

"Honestly, would it make any difference if I knocked before I entered?"

"I suppose the word 'Manners' doesn't exist in your dictionary?" Clary sighed in exasperation. "I could've been changing or something,"

Jace shrugged." It doesn't co-exist with the word 'Sister'," He then proceeded to give Clary a once over, the kind that made her feel so naked she wanted to duck beneath the covers again. "There's nothing much to see anyway,"

She gulped. "Not for you to." That was the problem with Jace. He wasn't making it any easier for her.

"I know,"

"Uh-huh," That was probably unnecessary but she wanted to have the last word. It made her feel as though she had the upper hand of an argument.

*****

All four of them- Alec, Isabelle, Jace and Clary were at the Pandemonium for their daily dose of demon-hunting.

"See anything unusual?" Clary glanced nervously at the mass of bodies on the dance floor, the fairfolk and a couple of mundanes were synchronizing grinding motions to the beat of the music. The Club was buzzing with activities on a Friday Night as it always had.

"No," Isabelle replied with a tinge of disappointment in her voice. She was looking forward to some demon bashing after her recent fall out with Meliorn. "Although, I do see something infuriatingly common," She directed her gaze at a brunette heading in the direction of Jace who was propped up against one of the walls beside Alec. Her gorgeous tresses were sexily tousled with gentle curves and the halter dress she wore clung to her body like a second skin. "He'd better not get distracted. Otherwise, he's out of the game," She huffed and plopped into an open seat at the bar.

Clary gulped as she watched the brunette place her hand on Jace's arm, no doubt taking the opportunity to feel his steely biceps. She knew it was best to turn away but she didn't. Maybe she was curious about how Jace would react to it.

Over the Brunette's shoulder, Jace caught her eye and threw her a distant smile. So, he knew she was watching.

"I'm heading outside for a while, "Clary ground out to Isabelle. The older girl gave her a sympathetic smile and mouthed the word 'go'

*****

Jace saw her leave and he also noticed the clenched fist. She was hurt, jealous probably and that made him happy and pleased in a way he could not understand. Or probably he did, but tried not to think about it for fear of doing something that would hurt her emotionally.

" Jace…" Alyssa, the Brunette's sultry voice floated into his ears, " Take me to your room," She had splayed her fingers onto his chest trying to tempt him into doing something he probably needed but had deprived himself of it for the past two years. Oh, he had very nearly done it with a girl a couple of months back but he had stopped before it went any further. Because, well, because he was imagining she was Clary and he knew he couldn't pretend any longer.

He pushed her hand away gently and shot her an apologetic look, " The clock has struck midnight. Fly away, little birdie," He whispered into her ears and then an afterthought, he added "I will find you another day. Be a good girl now," Truth was, he had no intention of doing so.

Alyssa glanced at the clock at the opposite wall. Only ten, she thought to herself. "Jace-,"

" It means he doesn't want to get laid. Take your cue and leave," Another voice, Alec's cut her midway in her sentence.

When she had left, Alec turned to Jace with a grim expression on his face, " What's with you really. Had me spreading rumors about you messing about with some Tasha or Zara or Katie a couple of months back and now this. It isn't about Clary?"

Jace scowled "No. Why ever would it be?" It was but he wasn't going to admit it. There were two reasons, actually. He was hoping Clary would think that he had finally gotten over her and would get on with life. Probably not. He would bash any male that had any intention of courting her anyway. And another reason was because he wanted to invoke her feelings and see if she still felt the same way she had two years ago..

Alec crossed his arm, looking all brotherly all of a sudden, " I'm not convinced. You-,"

He wasn't listening to Alec anymore because at that moment, he felt a tiny scream at the back of his mind and the sound went through him like a physical pain. Before Alec could comprehend what was happening, Jace was already running towards the entrance of the Pandemonium with only one single person in mind. _Clary. Clary. Clary._ He knew then that something terrible had happened to her.

******

Clary had stepped out of the Pandemonium, hoping that the icy cold wind would help clear her abominable thoughts. The sight of the Brunette laying her hand on Jace had made her want to thrust her glass stele into her heart, watch her writhe in agony and claim Jace as hers. What was with the sudden possessiveness? She shook her head angrily. Jace had made it crystal clear that he wasn't hers. He was Tasha's and Zara's and that Brunette's, but never hers.

A cry of agony broke her train of thoughts. Clary turned her gaze west, in the direction of the scream and caught sight of the demon lumbering over a still body. That little mundane's cry had been her last.

Clary fished her stele out from her back pockets and lunged at the demon. She was livid, lonely and humiliated. It was a very dangerous combination indeed and it made her act without thinking. It also made her a more susceptible opponent than ever because she had, in the midst of being angry, forgotten one of the most important rules of the game. N_ever act alone. _Jace had reminded her over and over again over the past two years he had tutored her.

The demon blocked her attack with his thick arm and swiped another at her, the sharp talons missing her shoulders by a mere inch.

" Don't you dare touch me," Clary hissed at him as she lunged in his direction again, this time flinging her stele into her heart. She watched with pride as the stele cut through the demon's flesh and sink into his chest.

"Take tha-," And then she screamed. A very vague monotone-like scream, but a scream nonetheless. A sharp pain had thrust through her abdomen, rendering her completely speechless. She didn't know such pain existed.

The demon behind her retracted it's talons and watched in complete awe as red, hot blood spilled from Clary's wound.

"Clary!" She heard Jace shouting her name and she smiled as she watched him take down her killer-demon with one stroke of his glass stele.

Jace's blonde head bent over her and her gaze trailed to three bloody gaping wounds on her back. His tawny eyes widened and then hardened and his lips were set in a straight grim line. His expression was as good as a doctor's prognosis. She probably wouldn't make it after all.

"Ja-ce," She gurgled, feeling the blood dribbling from her mouth.

He hushed her, and cupped her face gently with his hands, "Listen to me, Clary. Are you listening?"

Clary nodded weakly, alarmed at the frantic expression that had taken over Jace's usual calm and incomprehensible one. It was like.. his mask had finally slipped.

"You cannot die. I will not let you," His voice was bleak.

"Stop.. me..then," She whispered back. Funny how she could still joke on her death bed.

"Alec," He barked at the older boy standing beside him, "Can you get Magnus?"

He nodded, "I will meet you back at the Institute. Isabelle-," He waved an impatient arm at her sister who stood, wide-eyed and helplessly over Clary's slightly convulsing body, "Come with me,"

Isabelle followed without another word.

Jace picked Clary up in his arms and ran back to the institute. He felt her heartbeat gradually silencing. He felt her head lolled to one side. He felt her life draining away as she placed her onto her bed back at the Institute. And for the first time in his life, he finally understood what fear was-fear of losing the one he truly loved.

"Clary," He whispered into her ears as he buried his face into her neck, inhaling her scent- of honeysuckle and dried blood, "Don't you fucking leave me," He gritted his teeth and felt moisture cloud his vision.

"Don't you fucking leave me," He said again, this time, louder afraid that she hadn't heard him "Don't you dare to. I won't allow it, "

Alec burst through the room a second later with Magnus at his heels. Isabelle pulled Jace gently away from Clary despite his reluctance.

"I need to be by her side," He said through his clenched teeth. "She will want me by her side,"

Isabella cast a worried glance at Clary, now unconscious and felt a tear slide down her face, "I know, Jace. But we have to go,"

"We will have to trust Magnus to get the job done." Alec pulled Jace's other arm and led him outside, " C'mon. Don't be such a pig-head,"

"I love her, you know," Jace whispered to himself as he watched the door close behind him. "More than just a sister,"

**A Month Later**

Clary felt a gulp escape her throat as she watched Jace step out of the bathroom, clad in only a pair of jeans. The sight of his pale muscled chest sent a slight shiver down her body " Are you trying to seduce me?"

He quirked an eyebrow and sat at the edge of his bed, "That's not the right question to ask, Clary," He breathed into her ears, making her tingle everywhere." It's supposed to be, are you seducible? Of which I suspect you are. Since you are lying on my bed."

" I'm properly dressed whereas you are not," She scowled but inside she was smiling foolishly.

Her near death experience had made her realize that it didn't matter what others think about her inexplicable love for Jace. It had also made her want to be selfish for once and do what would make her happy. It seemed to have the same effect on Jace. She remembered him telling her not to leave him. And most importantly, she had heard him say that he loved her, much more than just a sister. Or probably it was just her imagination. She was half-comatose after all.

"There's a word called 'undressing' you know," He said leaning over to shoot her a crooked grin that she always found oddly endearing.

"Eww.." She slapped him on his chest. "Get lost,"

He grinned wider "You don't mean that." Leaning down a couple more inches, Jace's mouth came crashing down onto hers, searing hot and delicious. Clary's lips parted immediately in response to it.

Her free hand did a little walking on its own, up his muscled chest and found its way into his blonde curls as she entangled her fingers in them.

"You are tempting me, Clary," He whispered, his words coming out in a strangled rush, his breathe ragged. Their kiss was becoming fiercer now, demanding and full of passion.

Clary could feel her heart beating so erratically that she wondered if it was possible to die of a heart attack at seventeen. Yet, she still wanted more. Slowly, she wrapped her legs around his chest and pulled him closer, relishing the sensual heat that washed over her.

A slight moan escaped her lips as Jace dug his fingers into Clary's back and she molded her body into his automatically, letting go of her self-control altogether. She could feel the slight sheen of sweat forming on Jace's chest.

Jace pulled back and Clary took that opportunity to draw in deep breaths of air. He leaned his forehead against hers and asked, "We will work this out, right? You will not go running away from our problem anymore?"

She nodded and smiled a little "Yes, we will find a way. Both of us. But-"

Jace noticed the slight tension in her voice immediately and it worried him, "But what?"

"This idea of us being together…, "Clary trailed off, a little hesitant to continue, " Does it sound a little preposterous? I mean, we are…"

"Do you love me?" Jace asked unexpectedly.

Clary did not need to ponder over the question. She loved him with her entire being and she'd realized that a long long time ago. "I do,"

"Clary, let our conscience fail us for once. Just once," he smiled and his lips swooped down to claim hers again. " I love you too. Forever and ever,"

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**A/N: Sooo, how was it? Please please review.**


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